"Paging Dr. Kevorkian. Bob DeNiro's on the line, Sir."

If you were to run a poll asking people to name the top 5 actors of the past 50 years, it's a pretty safe bet that Robert DeNiro would turn up on about 90% of the lists. The man has spent the better part of the last half-century giving great performances in countless memorable roles: Vito Corleone in 'Godfather II', Jake La Motta in 'Raging Bull', Jimmy Conway in 'Goodfellas' and Neil McCauley in 'Heat', just to name a few. He has rightfully transcended being merely an actor and is a legitimate cinematic institution, along with the likes of Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman and Peter 'Money Shot' North.

But right now, the man who once singlehandedly almost made 'Jackie Brown' watchable is forcing us to consider the following troubling questions: How much slack does 35 years of general greatness buy you? How long until you're exiled to the world of straight-to-video with 'Surreal Life 6' fodder like William Baldwin and Sly Stallone? Are 10 Det. Mitch Prestons ('Showtime') > 1 Max Cady ('Cape Fear')?

They're questions that bear asking, because DeNiro is currently on a Feldman-esque run of cinematic futility. DeNiro has arguably had, outside of Michael Jackson and maybe Lindsay Lohan's dad, the worst beginning to the 21st Century of anyone in the world of entertainment. His credits, beginning with 2000's 'Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle' and continuing with the recent, vomitous 'Hide and Seek', read like an application for a Razzie's Lifetime Achievement Award. The Man Who Was Travis Bickle has been reduced to sharing top billing with a nine-year-old (happy birthday this Wednesday, Dakota!).

What's saddest about the debacle that has become Robert DeNiro's career is that it seems no one even cares that he's begun mailing it in, stooping to self-parody rather than actually acting. He's not even relevant enough for people to get upset when he squeezes out a rancid turd like 'Godsend' or 'City by the Sea' or 'Showtime' or....you get the picture. For Christ's sake, there are near-riots when 'Gigli' is released yet no one has the energy to register robertdenirosucksass.com when 'Analyze That' is forced upon us?

Perhaps I'm misreading this, denying the man his due credit. Any man who could handle Naomi Campbell in the height of her diva-ness must be afforded the benefit of the doubt and then some. Maybe he's scheming to pull a Travolta, slumming for a decade or so in crappy TV movies and wretched family fare (please, please - no talking babies/dogs) before exploding back on the scene like a million tsunamis in some trendy new director's quirky homage to 70's crime drama playing a bad-tempered transsexual hit man with an affinity for goofy hats.

Until that happens, the DeNiro faithful will just have to buckle down, grin and bear it while their man outgrows this unfortunate phase. We may not yet have seen the worst of it; judging by the last few films, there could be a teaming with Hilary Duff in a remake of 'She's Out of Control' on the horizon.

I still have faith, however, that we'll see at least one more great DeNiro performance before the man is put permanently out to pasture. 2 to 1 odds that it will be in a mob movie playing a Conway/Vitti/Corleone/Capone hybrid, but at this point, we'll take what we can get. As his Dwight Hansen said to Leonardo DiCaprio near the end of 'This Boy's Life', "You'll remember me! You'll remember me!" Indeed.