Chariots of Feces

This story struck a sentimental note with me, as I have a very dear friend, Mateo, who was similarly overcome by the brown plague while running the L.A. Marathon. To summarize, British marathoner Paula Radcliffe began suffering from "stomach cramps" at about mile 21 of last Sunday's London Marathon. Rather than look for the nearest portaloo, Paula popped a squat in full view of all and turned the chocolate hostage loose. Great quote: "When I stopped, I could hear people all around me going 'Oh'."

Paula recovered and won the marathon. In contrast, Mateo finished in 3,781st place, demolished a good samaritan's bathroom, and walked around for an hour after the race with shit-stained white shorts. Edge: Paula.