Front Row Seats

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Coldplay coming to the Fillmore on May 4



In case anyone hadn't yet heard, Coldplay is playing a special "buzz" gig at The Fillmore on Wednesday, May 4 in advance of their upcoming tour. Needless to say, this is going to be a next to impossible ticket to get. They're not selling tix at the Fillmore box office, so everyone's going to have to play the phone/online lottery game. Last time I played that game (for the U2 concert in San Jose), I got through after 3 minutes and the show was already sold out. The Fillmore seats about 1,800 people, so I think 2 minutes is probably a realistic estimate. Happy dialing/clicking!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Most Disturbingly Unsurprising Fact of the Day



In a really disturbing article from today's LA Times, a detective in a Toronto Sex Crimes unit focused on catching pedophiles reveals that basically all of the freaks they've caught have been hardcore 'Star Trek' fans. From the article:

On one wall (of the squad room) is a "Star Trek" poster with investigators' faces substituted for the Starship Enterprise crew. But even that alludes to a dark fact of their work: All but one of the offenders they have arrested in the last four years was a hard-core Trekkie.

Det. Constable Warren Bulmer slips on a Klingon sash and shield they confiscated in a recent raid. "It has something to do with a fantasy world where mutants and monsters have power and where the usual rules don't apply," Bulmer reflects. "But beyond that, I can't really explain it."

Anyone who's seen 'Trekkies' or the brilliant Triumph clip at the 'Star Wars' premiere knows that this revelation is about as surprising as Courtney Love announcing she has substance abuse issues. I'm all for escapism, but there's something more than a little unhealthy about adult nerds retreating from their miserable lives into artificial fantasy worlds constructed by even bigger nerds. The idea that some of these wanks may extend their deviance to the sexual realm is hardly a shocker.

If I'm a cop in the sex crimes division, I'm staking out every damn fantasy/sci-fi convention in the world, herding the freaks into prison buses en masse, and giving them the Abu Ghraib treatment until they crack and cough up their caches of child porn. Sure, you'll trample on the civil liberties and prosthetic pointy ears of some harmless kooks, but I think the world's prepubescent youth will breathe a huge sigh of relief when roughly 90% of the predatory pedophile population is thrown into the pokey for a heavy dose of rectal justice.

I can see it now - "Law and Order: Star Trek Sting".

Monday, April 25, 2005

"Oh say can you........uh"



Somewhere, Carl Lewis and Roseanne Barr are breathing sighs of relief. We now have a new title-holder in the category for "History's Worst Rendition of the National Anthem." Singing before a Canadian hockey game, this poor girl absolutely mangles the 'Star Spangled Banner,' forgetting words and generally looking like Ashlee Simpson on 'SNL.' Then she makes the extremely ill-advised decision to come back out for a third time. Bad goes immediately to worse.

Here is a link to the painfully hilarious video.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Kasabian back in SF

The official site has new tour dates listed for this summer. Kasabian will be at Popscene (330 Ritch) on 6/9/05. While I'm glad they're coming back and would definitely like to check them out again, this one has the makings of a big mess. Popscene doesn't sell advance tix and the venue is TINY. At this point, Kasabian is probably a little too big for a small club like that. Fortunately, I'll probably be unemployed in early June, so camping out won't put a big crimp in my lifestyle.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The Mancharrrrrr-ian Candidate



This story restores my faith in the institutions of higher education. Schools may be cracking down on drinking and kicking fraternities off campus like felons on 'The Apprentice', but the rebellious spirit of youth is alive and well at NC State.

Sick of Izod-wearing, squeaky-clean candidates who use proper grammar, the Wolfpack Nation has gotten behind a new kind of candidate in the race for student body president. His name is The Pirate Captain, and he's demolishing the other candidates who must feel like, to quote Jay, somebody shit in their cereal.

Among the highlights of the campaign thus far: The Pirate Captain (actual name Will Piavis) "came to the candidates' debate with a green parrot on his shoulder" and said that, should he win, "I might be gettin' a few extra buttons for me shirt."

With victory pretty much assured, I can't wait to see how this plays out. I'm sure the guy got hammered and thought it would be a funny joke to dress up like a pirate and walk around campus, probably never believing he might actually win. Now he's got to consider the prospect of going to serious, humorless student government meetings where he's going to have real duties and responsibilities. Is the guy going to keep up the pirate act? Can he really make decisions that affect roughly 30,000 students while communicating only in pirate talk and donning an eye patch with a parrot perched on his shoulder?

I, for one, hope he stays true to his pirate roots. He's got a pop culture trend on his side - pirates have never been hotter than they are right now. Between the success of 'Pirates of the Caribbean', the Seinfeld puffy shirt, the increasing popularity of the term 'butt pirate', and the enduring comedy of the Sea Captain, the public has demonstrated decisively its hunger for all things pirate.

If he can pull this off, who's to say where his political career might go? Stranger things have happened.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Chariots of Feces




This story struck a sentimental note with me, as I have a very dear friend, Mateo, who was similarly overcome by the brown plague while running the L.A. Marathon. To summarize, British marathoner Paula Radcliffe began suffering from "stomach cramps" at about mile 21 of last Sunday's London Marathon. Rather than look for the nearest portaloo, Paula popped a squat in full view of all and turned the chocolate hostage loose. Great quote: "When I stopped, I could hear people all around me going 'Oh'."

Paula recovered and won the marathon. In contrast, Mateo finished in 3,781st place, demolished a good samaritan's bathroom, and walked around for an hour after the race with shit-stained white shorts. Edge: Paula.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

The Wages of 'Sin'



The 'comic book adaptation' genre is about one 'Daredevil 2' away from carving out a permanent place for itself between the 'inspirational retard' genre and the 'Jean Claude Van Damme Memorial underground street fighter' genre in the Hall of Worthless Cinema. The last decade or so has seen a ton of films based on comics, and most of them (with the exception of the first 'Batman', 'The Crow', 'Men in Black' and the 'X-men' films) have been steaming piles of shit.

They all pretty much have the same general plot - complex hero flirts with annoying love interest while trying to defeat a colorful villain and come to terms with his superhuman ability to fly/pick up a building/release toxic ass gas. The good ones have either created their own dark, visually fascinating world ('The Crow') or figured out that they can't take themselves too seriously and just had fun with the idea ('Hellboy', 'Batman'). The bad ones ('The Hulk', 'Daredevil') act as though they're exploring the deeper meaning of spandex tights.

But until 'Sin City', no comic book movie has been created that actually simulates what's fun about reading a comic book. It's not about depth or character development - it's about consistent action, sharp, one-liner heavy dialogue and atmosphere with a capital 'A'. People read comic books for the immediate escapism they provide. 'Sin City' isn't an adaptation; it's a living, breathing comic book.

The film, set in a hellish urban jungle called Basin City, starts out rather inauspicously, trotting out 'King of the Ass Hats' Josh Hartnett to unconvincingly play a dapper hit man. He may be a 'hottie', but the guy's acting is about as emotionally intense as a text message. It's a mercifully brief scene, and the film quickly gets down to business with the first vignette, featuring Bruce Willis as a tough, graying cop out to stop a deviant child murderer, also the Senator's son, from killing a young girl. The violent tone is set early, as Willis' Detective Hartigan blasts off body parts like he's taking out the garbage. He rescues the girl and sacrifices himself to keep her alive ("An old man dies. A little girl lives. That's a pretty fair trade.") The scene ends, for the moment, with Willis being pumped full of lead by his traitorious partner (Michael Madsen). But in Basin City, no one really dies until they're ready to.

The next epsiode is the film's best, a gritty story about a depraved yet charismatic killer (a surprisingly appealing Mickey Rourke) named Marv who's out to avenge the murder of a gorgeous call girl named Goldie (a damn fine looking Jaime King), killed while lying next to him in bed. He's a sadistic, unhinged sociopath - but it's impossible not to root for him as he shoots, dismembers and disfigures his way to the truth. Also, his probation officer (Carla Gugino) is extremely hot and really likes being naked.

It's a ton of fun watching Marv romp through the underworld, meting out excessive justice and living by his own twisted moral guidelines (eg. you can't kill someone unless they deserve it, but if they do, you're free to turn them into Robert Shaw at the end of 'Jaws'). By the time he catches up with Goldie's killer, the audience is unabashedly rooting for the coming torture. It doesn't hurt that the killer is played by the eminently tortureable Elijah Wood.

The violence hardly lets up in the third vignette, which features Clive Owen as (what else?) a murderer. Owen's Dwight is dating Shellie (Brittany Murphy), a barmaid with plenty of baggage. When some of that baggage turns up, in the form of a menacing ex-boyfriend named Jack (Benicio Del Toro), Dwight chivalrously takes care of it by adminstering a violent swirlie to Jack in a recently used toilet bowl. This sets into motion a chain of events that leads Dwight into Old Town, a district ruled by heavily armed and implausibly gorgeous hookers, led by S&M diva Gail (Rosario Dawson), who enforce their own laws. Dwight, who has a soft spot for the ladies (especially Gail) and cannot tolerate men who abuse them, joins up with the women of Old Town to avert a bloody war between the cops, the mob and the hookers.

The film then picks back up with Detective Hartigan, now recuperating in the hospital. He's being rehabilitated courtesy of Senator Rourke, a corrupt politician hell-bent on avenging his son's disfigurement by Hartigan. Once he's healed sufficiently, Hartigan is thrown in jail, framed for molesting Nancy, the girl he rescued. While in prison, he's kept going by the weekly letters he receives Nancy, who after eight years has grown up into a full-blown hottie who looks a lot like Jessica Alba.

When the letters stop coming, Hartigan fears that something has happened to Nancy. So he.......hell, its just more of the same ol' wonderful ultraviolence. Only this time the recipient is a creepy, foul-smelling creature named Yellow Bastard. Yes, 'Sin City' has its moments of David Lynchian absurdity in addition to straightforward carnage.

'Sin City' is chock full of cameos by big name actors, which is usually an extremely annoying and distracting cinematic convention. But with the exception of Hartnett, most everyone holds their own and avoids falling into the trap of "look at me" grandstanding.

Willis' best days are definitely behind him - buying him in a John McClane-type role is getting increasingly difficult, especially after the Lindsey Lohan rumors and the fact that he hasn't broken Ashton Kutcher's legs yet. But he pulls it off here, believably playing a burned out cop with a kind heart and doing a reasonably convincing job of pretending he doesn't want a piece of Jessica Alba.

Owen is great as the detached killer, Dwight. He was born to play this type of role; the Cockney accent adds to the stonefaced mystique. And Del Toro is perfect as a vile cop who's as miserable in death as he was in life. The guy plays scary way too well (see "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas") not to be a creep in real life. Or maybe he's just that good of an actor.

Rourke is the film's biggest winner, both because he probably needed it more than any of the other actors and because he simply nails the role. Playing a scuzzball, he clearly drew upon his real life experience of actually being a scuzzball to bring an extra bit of believability to the part. Regardless, his performance is the best thing in 'Sin City' (except for Carla Gugino's rack).

It's tough to know what to make of 'Sin City'. It's a movie, but it's like nothing I've seen before. It will be inadequately compared to 'Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow', which was the first film to be shot entirely in front of a blue screen, as 'Sin City' was. But while 'Sky Captain' was an insufferably boring, pseudo-artsy homage to old 1930's and 40's sci-fi movies, 'Sin City' captures the seamy urban underworld of detective novels and crime serials with maximum grit and flair. It may have been created largely in the graphics lab, but it feels very vibrant and alive.

There's no deeper meaning to 'Sin City', except that it leaves you to ponder why watching a man get dragged by his face from a moving car is so damn amusing. 'Sin City' sets out to provide a specific, disposable brand of ultraviolent, ultra-visceral entertainment, and it succeeds marvelously. When a man ripping off another man's genitals with his bare hands gets the theater laughing uproariously, you know you're watching a good flick.

I give it 3.5 angry monkeys out of 4.

Monday, April 04, 2005

The Bravery at Slim's - March 29, 2005



The Bravery are an interesting illustration of the fickle nature of indie music buzz. A few months ago, they were the up-and-coming band of the moment, chosen #1 in the BBC's influential "Sound of 2005" poll and all but handed the title of 'Next Big Thing.' Their debut album was leaked a few months early and received largely positive acclaim, with two singles ('Unconditional' and 'Honest Mistake') receiving pretty solid radio airplay. It seemed this was a band worth the buzz.

Then it all seemed to turn a bit sour. Before the album was even released, a torrent of backlash began to swell among those who questioned the credibility of the band, especially after the revelation that lead singer Sam Endicott had sported blond dreads as the bass player in a reportedly awful ska/rock band called Skabba the Hutt. Some picked on their sound, calling them derivative and unoriginal, while others fixated on their fashion style, which ranges from Strokes hipster chic to The Cure goth rock, painted fingernails and all.

I saw them at Cafe Du Nord back in mid-January, but was forced to give them an 'incomplete' due to A) an equipment malfunction that marred a good portion of the band's short set, and B) my extreme drunkenness, which completely erased my memories of the second half of the set.

So when I heard they were coming back to co-headline a show at Slim's with Ash, I was all in. I was digging the CD and wanted a chance to see them again in a less comatose state.

I bought tickets in late January and then proceeded to gradually lose enthusiasm about the band until their show last week. I don't know if it was the persistently negative comments I had heard in the weeks leading up to the show or the fact that the album doesn't really lend itself to repeated listens, but I was having a hard time motivating myself to head out for the Tuesday show. Two huge margaritas at Don Ramon and a few Heinies helped the cause a bit.

Ash opened up (well, The Crimea technically did, but I didn't make it for their set), and stormed through an energetic, if a bit short, set. I haven't listened to Ash that much, but they're a fun live band and they've got a great presence; there's no pretense, just music. As they wrapped up, I was wishing they'd played a bit longer than the 8 or so songs they ripped off.

Leading into The Bravery's set, I was all set to have a miserable time. I was tired, bored, and not nearly drunk enough. There was a ridiculously long wait between sets while the band's gang of retarded roadies limped around the stage in extreme......slow......motion. If these assholes had been in charge of setting up the Popmart stage, it might have taken a month.

After more than an hour, the lights dimmed and The Bravery came out to 'Unconditional', my favorite song on the album. Fuzzy memories of the first show started coming back to me, and I realized that I did indeed enjoy the show in January. And I was already on the way to enjoying this one.

When you ignore all the cynical sniping by the band's critics, it's really hard not to love their music. I challenge anyone not to dance to 'Honest Mistake' or do some heavy head-bobbing to 'Out of Line.' I've heard a lot of New Order/Joy Division/Cure rip-offs, but few of them pull it off like The Bravery.

They sounded great as they powered through an album's worth of songs, bringing a surprising amount of intensity to their live act. I had seen them on MTV a month ago and lead singer Sam Endicott seemed about as comfortable onstage as a fat girl singing 'Baby Got Back' at karaoke. So it was nice to see that he had developed something of a stage presence (even if it was a bit excessively Morrissey-esque at times).

They encored with a rousing 'Fearless' and walked off to healthy applause from the sold-out crowd. Plain and simple, they delivered. It wasn't a transcendent, religious musical experience (Pearl Jam at San Jose's Spartan Stadium in '95 was as close as I've gotten to that). But it was a helluva fun show, a solid performance by a band that has been given far too much praise and criticism in its short life.

Regardless of how derivative or manufactured or trendy the band is, they crank out thoroughly enjoyable, danceable, catchy songs. And what more is there, really?

"But you mustn't tooouucchhhhhh!!!!!"



This should kill 15-20 minutes or so. I don't think I've ever liked anyone who didn't like 'The Simpsons.' Highlights: 00 Homer Song, Under the Sea Song and Dating Game Song.

Hello, McFly!



This is by no means a new clip, but I nearly wet myself watching it today and felt the need to pass it along. Anyone who's ever seen an interview with Crispin Glover knows that it's an interesting viewing experience, but this puts all his other performances to shame. Here is an appearance he did on Letterman back in 1987 when he was on to promote 'The River's Edge' (also starring a pre-'Bill and Ted' Keanu Reeves). Rumor is that the guy was on acid, and good luck mounting a meaningful argument against that. Letterman knows the interview is the lost cause from the beginning, and watching him trying to half-salvage it by bantering with a shocked Paul Schaffer is the best part of the clip. OK, that's a lie. It's the karate kick, by a mile.